


Haby Birtdoy

by derwentian



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angus and Merle are discussed but aren't actually present, Fluff, Gen, McElroy Rants are a hard phenomenon to emulate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:35:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26036512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/derwentian/pseuds/derwentian
Summary: Angus has a big day coming up. Taako talks tactics. Magnus invokes his wrath.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Haby Birtdoy

Magnus’ workshop is what might be described in laymen’s terms as an absolute fucking mess. It’s a  _ charming _ mess, full of countless tools and all the weird little doodads he’s made, but it’s a disaster area. There’s sawdust and those little curly bits of shaved-off wood  _ everywhere, _ not to mention the fact that Magnus likes to hang out in here  _ barefoot _ and inevitably tracks this shit all over the house. 

Taako hardly ever comes in here; he claims it’s because the sawdust and varnish smell upsets his delicate elven senses, which is true, but it’s mostly because he doesn’t want to intrude in Magnus’ inner sanctum or whatever. He gets the importance of having a bit of space to yourself.  Sometimes, though, Taako  _ does _ drop by for longer than the time it takes to pop his head in and announce that dinner is ready. In the rare cases that he does, it’s because there’s something important that they need to discuss.

The nice thing about these little pocket dimensions is that it’s impossible to sneak up on someone. Magnus usually startles real bad, so that’s a huge plus. Instead of  _ that _ whole mess, Magnus just looks up from his current project when Taako comes in. What the hell that project  _ is _ won’t be entirely clear until he’s whittled the wood down a bit more; for now it’s just a big ugly lump. Unless he was  _ trying _ to make a big ugly lump, in which case it’s a beautiful example of one. He’s making no attempt to conceal the thing, which means it’s probably not a surprise present for Taako. Bummer. 

“Hey, Juice—er, Taako. What’s up? Is something wrong?”

“Nope, no problems here. Just a friendly chat between bros.” Taako’s instinct is to take a seat on the worktable, for the casual air of it all, but he’ll be damned if he gets wood shavings on his ass. After a moment’s deliberation, he wipes off a suitable amount of surface area and hops up after all. “I don’t know if you knew about this, because I sure didn’t, but Lucretia says Ango’s birthday’s coming up. I totally had no idea at all.” It’s a lie, of course, but he has a  _ reputation _ to uphold.

Magnus, ever the merciful one, doesn’t point out that he definitely overheard a conversation in which  Taako reminded  Lucretia about Angus’ birthday. “Oh yeah? Are we gonna throw him a party?”

“Of  _ course _ we’re throwing him a party, Magnus, who do you take me for? I’m not just gonna give boy wonder a gift card to Fantasy Costco and call it good like  _ some _ people around here.” He’s totally not still annoyed about Merle pulling that one for his own birthday this year. Not at all. “And he needs presents, on that note. Don’t buy him any of those shitty detective books he likes so much.”

“Why, what’s wrong with ‘em?”

“Nothing, it’s just that I already bought him a nice little box set and we don’t want twinsies.”

“Right, right, right.” Magnus brings a hand to his chin, scratches his beard a bit while he ponders. “His birthday’s, like, two weeks from now, right? I could probably carve him something, but I dunno how much he likes woodworking.”

There’s a little curlicue of wood shaving stuck to Magnus’ nose, which is going to drive Taako insane now that he’s noticed it. “Angus will like anything you give him because  _ you _ gave it to him. You could regift him your own pants and he’d probably love it.” Magnus snorts at the idea. “Just make something he likes, like… a magnifying glass, or some shit.”

Magnus opens his mouth to reply, then closes it, then opens it again. He does this twice more, which is how Taako knows he’s thinking  _ real _ hard. “I probably could do that, actually,” he finally says. “I mean, I have no idea where I’d get the glass—”

“I bet they sell that shit at Fantasy Costco. Isn’t there a crafts section?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, so I get the glass from Fantasy Costco, and I’ll bond it to the wood with—”

Taako leans over and flicks the tip of Magnus’ nose, both to interrupt him and also to dislodge that bit of wood shaving. “Hello! Paging doctor Magnus! Your scheming can wait ‘til we’re not in the middle of a chat, brother.”

“Sorry.” He turns to face Taako more fully, though the gears are still turning behind his eyes now that he has a  _ project _ to contemplate. “So that’s presents covered, at least for us two. Does Merle know the birthday’s coming?”

“I told him yesterday, but we should remind him again next week. Gotta make sure he actually  _ gets _ something, y’know? Ango’s got low standards, but I think even he would be kinda put out if Merle gave him some nasty old root beer barrels as a birthday present because he forgot to pick something up.” Sure, Merle only did that twice (who does that  _ twice?), _ but that’s more than enough times to never let him live it down.

Magnus hums in a distinctly amused manner. “Yeah, we don’t need that. We should buy him a cake, right?”

_ Buy _ a cake? _ "Buy _ a cake? Magnus. My dude. My dear friend, for whom I would lay down my life. What the  _ fuck _ are you  _ talking _ about?” Magnus is giggling to himself, but he’s opened the floodgates of indignation and Taako’s not ready to close them just yet. “We’re not  _ buying _ a cake! We’re not gonna give Angus some premade garbage you bring with you to Fantasy Chuck E Cheese!” Magnus’ laughing is more like wheezing now. “Yeah, a shitty little eight-by-eleven vanilla sheet cake with store-brand whipped icing that turns to crust in ten minutes, and they’ll spell his name wrong on it. That’ll be swell. Fuck.”

Taako could keep going, but he draws the rant to a close as an act of mercy so Magnus doesn’t giggle himself to death. It takes a solid thirty seconds for him to pull himself together enough to speak. “Okay,” he finally says, wiping tears from his eyes. “So we’re definitely not buying a cake?”

“No, we’re not. I will  _ make _ the cake, thank you very much.” In what universe would Taako, you know, from TV, not make his protege a birthday cake? It’s unfathomable. “Nothing too fancy. His little baby taste buds aren’t fully developed yet, so going too high-concept probably wouldn’t fly. I’m thinking red velvet, cream cheese frosting.”

Magnus makes a contemplative noise. “I think he’d like that. Red velvet is just chocolate cake but red, right?”

The glare he aims Magnus’ way is intended to be withering, but it just makes him start giggling again. “They’re _completely_ _different,_ you buffoon. You can’t just dye a chocolate cake red and go, oh, that’s red velvet! The taste isn’t even close to the same! Red velvet has an _acidity,_ Magnus.”

“I’m so sorry, Taako,” Magnus chokes out between fits of laughter. “Please forgive my insolence!”

Taako flips his hair to his other shoulder with a haughty sniff. “You’re forgiven. This time.” Is he exaggerating his outrage for the comedy of it all? Absolutely. “So, anyway, red velvet cake for Ango.”

“Can I help?”

“That depends, my dude. Are you going to eat all the batter?”

“No,” Magnus says sincerely.

“Are you going to eat all the  _ frosting?" _

“No,” Magnus says, lying.

“Well, you’re a terrible liar, but that’s nothing new. Are you  _ sure _ that rogue training is paying off?” Magnus just shrugs. “I  _ do _ need some menial labor to do all my stirring for me, though, so I guess I’ll just have to make extra frosting. Since when do you even like cream cheese?”

“I don’t. I’m just psychologically compelled to eat frosting.”

**Author's Note:**

> Taako's opinions on store-bought birthday cake do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author. I'm personally a sucker for store-bakery whipped icing. I pray Taako does not invade my home and kill me in real life.
> 
> Comments and feedback are appreciated!


End file.
